


Killer Queen

by Demenior



Series: Feeling Good [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Gender/Sexuality, Alien Sex, Aliens, Bad Flirting, Communication, Dom/sub Play, Enthusiastic Consent, F/M, Foreplay, Kink Negotiation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Really Long Weird Foreplay, Sex Is Fun, Shapeshifting, wreckShiro2k17
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demenior/pseuds/Demenior
Summary: “So we’re in agreement then?” Allura asks, like they're planning a lunch date.“Um,” Shiro replies, still brain dead.“I'm afraid my schedule is quite full for the next few days, but I'm sure I can fit you in eventually. Maybe next week?” She offers. And it sounds perfectly polite and sincere.She's going to make him wait a week.Shiro's going to die.





	

**Author's Note:**

> WE'RE BAAAAAAACK!!!
> 
> The Feeling Good Series is now officially a series!!
> 
> (Did you know there's an actual Ao3 tag 'Porn With Feelings'??? Where was that for RS?????)
> 
> I'm in the middle of exams, and starting the Voltron Gen Mini Bang, but there was #drama in the fandom and I, shockingly, am very motivated by spite. So... while this story was originally going to be part 3 or 4 of the series, it's been bumped up to part 2, woops. 
> 
> That is to say, the updating schedule for this is likely to be worse than the one for Royally Screwed. I'm so sorry. I'll do my best, but I can't guarantee anything for the month of April!
> 
> Also, just a note, at the moment I don't plan on anything being as long as Royally Screwed was, but that doesn't mean this still won't be an unconventionally long pwp! In fact, we're already starting off weird in that there's a decent amount of plot this chapter, haha.
> 
> Hope y'all are ready for some humor! I want this series to be light and fun, and to make y'all smile :)
> 
> Now go forth, and enjoy!

Shiro arrives to the briefing room only minutes after Allura. He’d hoped to see some of the other Paladins up and ready already, but isn’t surprised that they are still on their way. He’s a little early, which was good since he’d already done some strength training and stopped to take a shower before arriving.

They’d taken to gathering everyone in the small room every so often to go over future plans or discuss maintenance issues or anything else that was important. There were much less distractions than the bridge of the ship, and it generally made the Paladins behave a little better when they felt like they were in a classroom/boardroom setting. It was a nice way to keep everyone organized, rather than try to remember to speak up during the rare moments that everyone was together for any length of time outside of battle.

Allura smiles a good morning, and Shiro returns the greeting as he takes the tablet she hands to him. They’d spent the last few day cycles discussing a new plan of attack and were going to run it past the group before putting it in action.

Thankfully they don’t have to wait long before Keith and Hunk meander in. Hunk still looks a little bleary-eyed, though he is smiling, and while Keith is normally quite reserved there is a sleepy edge to his silence that makes Shiro wonder if he’s been up late with something. Coran trails in after them, his usual boisterous self.

Lance and Pidge are the last to arrive. They can all hear the two of them racing down the halls and yelling far too loudly for this early in the morning. Lance skids into the doorway, narrowly missing Coran who had stuck his head out to see what was happening.

“Safe!” Lance declares, and has a moment to grin proudly before Pidge slides in, mimicking Lance’s exact trajectory, and slams right into Lance and knocks him heavily into the doorframe.

“Watch it!” Lance shouts, and clutches at his ribs dramatically, “you almost killed me!”

“You watch it! You cheated!” Pidge shouts back.

“All’s fair in—”

“Good morning,” Shiro interrupts pointedly.

Pidge gives him a cheeky salute, “Morning,” they say, much calmer. Lance gives Shiro and Allura a sheepish wave and slinks to his seat beside Hunk.

“Alright,” Shiro says with a smile, to show that he isn’t mad, “we have a few things to get through. The Princess is going to start us off today. Princess?” he steps back, giving her the floor.

Coran is finishing passing tablets out to the other Paladins so they can follow on the meeting minutes. Shiro settles into a chair near the head of the table where he can comfortably watch Allura and keep an eye on the kids in case they start acting up again and need to be reminded to behave. It was happening less often now, but Shiro likes to be prepared.

“Alright, if you all don’t mind opening your tablets I’ve got some files on there that I’d like you to follow along with,” Allura instructs, “we’re going to be taking a bit of an odd direction in our travels, and we’re going to have to decide on where we would like to stop for supplies…”

Shiro easily opens up the tablet. While the Altean design is still very different than Earth products, he is getting used to several of the devices and finds them easier to use with each attempt. Not that he is anything like Pidge—they’d seemed to have mastered all sorts of aspects of the Altean tech that Shiro wouldn’t have even thought to use.

He finds the document labeled ‘Shiro’s List’ and opens it. That was sweet of Allura, to personalize it like that. He likes those little touches in the things she does for them. It makes it feel less like an organized resistance of strangers, and more like a group of friends who care about each other.

Shiro glances up to pay attention to Allura while the file opens, and takes a quick glance to see Lance and Hunk each trying to sneakily turn off each other’s tablets without the other noticing. They aren’t causing a big commotion just yet, and neither Keith nor Pidge seem to be aware of them. Hopefully they’ll stop once the meeting gets going.

He glances back down at his tablet and freezes.

At the top of the file Shiro reads “ _For every time you react, I will delay your orgasm by 5 earth minutes. Please read the entire list and report back to me with your responses. Be thorough._ ”

These are not the meeting minutes. This document has nothing to do with travel plans or itineraries.

He slams the tablet down into his lap with the paranoia that someone might look over his shoulder. His eyebrows hit his hairline. Shiro’s pretty sure his eyes actually bugged out of his head.

Allura is still talking. She hasn’t even paused, hasn’t even looked at him. This has to be a mistake. Shiro can feel his ears burning. She must have given him the wrong tablet.

No, she didn’t.

She handed it to him specifically. This file has his name on it. Shiro twists in his chair enough that he feels safe that no one else will be able to read over his shoulder. It means he isn’t facing Allura directly, but now he doesn’t have to be paranoid.

With morbid curiosity Shiro lifts the tablet up so he can read it. Now there is a counter in the top right corner.

_+5 MINUTES._

Shiro rereads that first line again before it sinks in what that counter means. He swallows what feels like an enormous amount of shock, before he starts scrolling through.

_‘A List of My Possible Transformations, and How They Can Combine with Human Physiology’_

What the hell is going on? Shiro sets the tablet down in his lap again and reaches to rub his hand over his face; thinks better of that because it will draw attention, and drops his hand to his side. He has to be blushing by now.

Why was Allura doing this? Was she actually interested in him?

Sure they’d been a bit friendlier since she set Shiro up with Rahjim. They’d chatted more, and kind of flirted a little bit too. But it was all harmless. They were teammates, friends. They didn’t think of each other like— like—

 _‘—Combine with Human Physiology’_ oh god Allura does think of him like this. Has apparently been thinking a lot and Allura thought _now_ of all times was the time to do this?

Well… there was that one night she’d convinced him to have a few drinks of some ancient Altean liquor after a mission well-done. The drinks had loosened them up, they were riding high on victory, and so they’d been less informal than they’d ever been with each other.

It had been a good night. Sprawled onto a couch with Allura half in his lap, and the viewport opened wide to showcase the galaxies around them. It was magical, and made it feel all the more dreamlike when they started getting a little more handsy with one another, and it just felt natural when Allura kissed him. They’d kissed quite a few times more, each longer than the last, before they had to head back to their rooms to be ready for the next day. They’d never talked about picking it up, and Shiro had figured it was just a spur of the moment thing, fueled by alcohol and post-battle adrenaline. Just friends being comfortable with one another.

Allura had never hinted that she’d wanted more, and they’d gone right back to being completely platonic friends and never talked about that night. So Shiro wasn’t expecting her to blindside him like this.

And now here’s Shiro: in a meeting with his team, and Coran. With a list Allura made about all the ways she wants to fuck him.

She did this on purpose. She wants to get him riled up. Well, two can play at that game. He won’t give her what she wants and take the fun from her little surprise.

Shiro takes a breath to compose himself. Hunk is asking about the possibilities of trading on planets they are coming up to, to help him make a decision on where he wants to cast his vote for a supply run destination. There will be some arguing for a while. With one ear to them, Shiro goes back to the tablet.

The counter reads _+10 MINUTES._ So every time he put the tablet down it adds more time? It definitely means she expects him to read it during the meeting. Okay, he can skim. He can’t believe how irresponsible and, if he’s being honest, a little disrespectful Allura is being about this. It doesn’t seem like her at all.

The list is incredibly long. And filled with many, many detailed pictures. Of knobs, appendages, genitalia—christ, where those _tentacles_?—and more. And very detailed notes on exactly how Allura wants to experiment with them on him.

 _‘I understand humans have penetrative sex, though I am unsure if you are of the type to be penetrated or not. If it is possible for you to be penetrated, then I would like to try with this type of genitalia.’_ says one note.

And that is definitely a moving picture of a _very_ large penis-like, well, penis. And it’s ribbed. With all sorts of little knobs and bumps that look like they would feel incredible—if it could even fit— and it makes Shiro’s mouth go very, very dry.

“What do you think, Shiro?” Keith asks and Shiro nearly winds himself when he cradles the tablet to his stomach to keep anyone from seeing the screen.

“What do I think?” he repeats. He’d completely turned the conversation out. He never does this. Shiro has no idea what they were talking about. What if someone asks him why he’s distracted?

“About docking,” Pidge says and Shiro’s having a very hard time keeping his mind out of the gutter and he feels dirty like he needs to have a very, very long shower.

“Keith thinks we should only stop in one bay, but if we stop in more we have a better chance of finding good deals and more variety of supplies. Not to mention we’ll see a lot more!” Lance continues.

“Stopping multiple times puts us at risk of being noticed by Galra,” Keith argues, “we need to stay under their radar.”

“What is radar?” Coran interrupts. And Hunk jumps in to explain, and the conversation veers off onto another topic.

Shiro sits back in his chair, breathing out in relief.

“What do you think, Shiro?” Allura asks politely while the others are distracted.

He knows for a fact she’s not asking about the ports.

He also knows that he’s not talking about this in front of anyone.

“We’ll have to play it by ear,” he says instead, “and really look into which ports are more active with Galra activity. It’ll take up less of our time to hit one port for everything, rather than travel between them, but Lance is right in that we’ll get more variety with the more we see.”

It's not even a valid response. He's literally just repeating what everyone else said, and trying to stall for time while his brain catches up. He's absorbing everything he skimmed. Cilia on hands and something about massaging. Natural lubrication. Gills.

“Alright, I don't want to waste all of our time on this,” Allura says, “I know Shiro needed to talk to the Paladins about something.”

Shiro stares at Allura like he's never met her before. And he feels like he hasn't. Where did this devious, manipulative and sadistic side come from?

Shiro’s starting to wonder if he has their friendship all wrong and Allura actually hates him.

He needs to take a moment to make sure he's actually okay to stand up. Maybe he needs to invest in looser pants. Shiro sets the tablet facedown— only afterwards he remembers that it's going to increase the counter another five minutes— and he tries to suppress the hot flush he feels at the thought. He's at 15 minutes.

A lot can happen in 15 minutes. And Shiro needs to stop thinking about that right now because his brain really wants to start thinking about Allura’s strength and maybe even that huge, ribbed dick and what they could get up to in 15 minutes—

Focus, Shiro. He's standing in front of his team. He has to talk to them.

About what? He doesn't even know if he actually had anything to share this meeting. He just stood up when Allura called his name because at least she was coherent and in a right state of mind.

“Um, so,” he starts, and this is already the worst talk he's ever given in his entire life, “your training. It's going— it's going good.”

Allura slides into Shiro's vacated seat under the pretense of getting a better angle to watch from, and he watches as she picks up the tablet from its facedown position and slowly turns it over. Shiro thinks he keeps talking, but he keeps looking at her. Her eyebrows raise and she glances up at him with a knowing smile. Where did he leave the list open to? What is she thinking? Is she thinking about all the things she wants to do to him? As he watches, she starts to idly scroll through like she's looking at boring meeting notes. And not her list of ‘All the Ways I Want to Fuck Shiro’.

“Shiro? You okay?” Pidge asks.

Shiro snaps out of his thoughts. Right. Shit. He's supposed to be talking.

He pointedly ignores Allura and refuses to look at her. If he can make it through this talk then he can dismiss the Paladins. He just… he just needs to decide what point he's trying to make. If he talks long enough it should come to him.

* * *

Shiro’s never finished a speech with ‘and yeah’ in his life. He’s mortified, but he can’t care. The images in the file keep running through his mind, with Allura’s voice whispering in his ear every single note she wrote to him. He dismisses everyone without checking to see if there was anything else on the agenda. There probably was but he needs to sit down and not be the center of everyone's focus for just five minutes. Shiro’s sure they ask if he’s okay, or just glance at him worriedly. He can’t bring himself to care.

It’s finally him and Allura, alone, in the room.

She’s gathering up the tablets to store them back in their bag. Shiro wants to say something witty, something dashing that will prove he’s not as flustered as he feels.

“So,” Allura begins slowly, and she's struggling to keep her face neutral. He can see the smile she's struggling to suppress, “do you have any thoughts?”

Instead of anything remotely cool he just about collapses into a chair.

“What— what is this?” he asks, and then quickly glances over his shoulder. If someone is loitering nearby or runs back because they forgot something and overhears this conversation then Shiro's pretty sure he’s going to throw himself out of an airlock to avoid the embarrassment.

Allura pauses and looks at him with a furrowed brow, “Did you not read the title?”

“I read the title,” Shiro says, “and I glanced through it.”

“Then you know exactly what this is about,” Allura says.

“But— here? That was reckless! What if someone else had seen it?” Shiro asks.

“They could have offered their opinion,” Allura shrugs, “are you embarrassed at the thought of the Paladins knowing you have sex? You humans discuss sex all the time.”

“They're— they're teenagers who were in a boarding school. All they talk about is sex,” Shiro groans. He made a note to have another talk with the team about appropriate language. They were defenders of the universe and needed to stop with the inappropriate jokes.

“I never realized this would affect you so strongly,” Allura comments. Her tone makes it very clear that she's happy he's so flustered.

“I wasn't expecting it,” Shiro replies, and he turns the tablet over to gesture at it, “no one expects to get a list of— _Allura_!”

He'll deny that his voice went a little shrill on her name for the rest of his life.

At the top right corner, where it should be reading: _+15 MINUTES_ , it now reads:

_+50 MINUTES._

And as Shiro watches, the counter climbs again.

_+55 MINUTES._

Shiro stares at it a little in shock. An hour of orgasm denial. He shudders, but it's not really a bad feeling. He's trying to be mad about this. His toes shouldn't be curling in his boots at the thoughts that are popping up in his mind.

Allura touches his shoulder and he nearly jumps in surprise.

“You stuttered a lot during your talk,” Allura explains, “it was very sweet.”

“This is unprofessional,” Shiro says quickly, recalling how difficult it was to get through just one talk, “you're undermining me in front of my team.”

For a moment he thinks he's finally thrown her off her game. She pulls back with a frown, like he's made a valid point and she's going to apologize. But then that wicked smile is back and her eyes sparkle like diamonds.

“If you were so upset about it, why did you keep reading?”

 _Because that was the instructions_ nearly escapes him, and he clicks his teeth shut to hold back the thought.

Allura slides a hand out to rest on the back of Shiro's chair, and braces herself with the other on the table. She's leaning down, caging him in. Shiro's body is responding, tingling with anticipation.

“You want to find every reason to not let yourself have something nice,” she whispers. Her breath smells flowery sweet.

“Let me treat you nicely,” and then her devious smile, “and not-so nicely.”

Shiro's mouth is dry but he manages a nod, “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

She's so close. She's going to kiss him. He reaches up to get his hands on her dress; he's aching to touch her. Oh god, they're probably going to start here. This is so irresponsible. This is like being a horny teenager all over again, but Shiro's ready to let Allura take charge. He's into this. It's embarrassing how into this he is. She has this all planned out, she's probably got the door locked already and—

She pulls away, standing up and goes back to cleaning up.

Shiro's still sitting with his head tilted up slightly and his hands up where he was getting a hold of her.

“So we’re in agreement then?” Allura asks, like they're planning a lunch date.

“Um,” Shiro replies, still brain dead.

“I'm afraid my schedule is quite full for the next few days, but I'm sure I can fit you in eventually. Maybe next week?” She offers. And it sounds perfectly polite and sincere.

Next week. In a week. She's going to make him wait?

“What?” Is Shiro's intellectually stunning retort.

“Next week, I'll let you know, but it might take even longer,” Allura explains. She slings the strap of the bag over her shoulder.

“Next… week,” Shiro repeats. And if it sounds a bit like he's whimpering then he’ll deny it forever.

Allura walks back to lean over him, the same position as earlier. She touches his face, palm cool against his flushed cheek and her thumb presses against the corner of his mouth.

“Keep the tablet,” she instructs, “and the wait will be good for you. It's a very long list. But you'll read it thoroughly, yes?”

Read the list she made of all the ways she wants to fuck him? Yeah. He's going to do that. God. He shudders and Allura smiles at the response. Her hand is so soft. If he turns his face just slightly he thinks he can get her thumb in his mouth.

As if she's reading his thoughts— and maybe he needs to check. Can she?— Allura slowly drags her thumb across his lower lip. She tracks the motion like she's surprised she's doing it. Shiro can't take his eyes off her face. His breaths are uneven and too fast for him to fake being calm.

Her fingers move from his cheek to curl under his chin, giving her purchase to push her thumb _in_.

On reflex he catches it in his teeth, and, boldly, licks at it. Allura's lips fall open a little in surprise, and Shiro wants to kiss her more than ever.

She looks up from his lips and meets his gaze, and that devilish smile is back, “Good boy,” she says.

Shiro's brain shuts down. He's vaguely aware of Allura’s smile getting wider, and she uses her hand to lift his face so she can press a chaste kiss to his cheekbone.

“Keep me informed on your progress,” she instructs, and then she's slipping away. Shiro wants to get up and go after her, to bring her back and make her finish what he started, but he can't tell which part of him is the legs and which part is supposed to be the competent adult who shouldn't be shorting out when he's called a good boy.

Oh god that really happened, he realizes. And Allura totally knew.

Shiro sinks lower into his chair and covers his face in his hands. He can't look at her again. He's embarrassing and a complete mess and he didn't say one intelligent thing the entire time she was flirting with him. At him. Why on earth would she be interested in a dork like him?

He glances over at the tablet, and figures he should probably turn it off before it gets him in trouble.

The timer reads _+70 MINUTES_.

Shiro groans and pitches forwards to rest his head on his arms. He can’t do this. He can’t respond to this. He's broken.

He's late to combat practice with the team because it he needs to take some time to make himself presentable before he can leave the conference room. He tells the Paladins he just didn't sleep well, and he hopes he doesn't look as desperate as he feels.

* * *

Shiro feels more like himself until after dinner. He retires early, citing that whole ‘bad night’s sleep’ for needing to slip out and not spend down time with the team. They’re all very supportive of his health and so don’t argue for him to stay. He feels bad about lying, but it’s been a really hard day for him. Especially because every time he sees or hears Allura his brain just goes right back to her words ‘ _let me treat you nice… and not so nice’_ and then the fact that she’s going to hold out on him for a _week_. If not more.

Shiro’s starting to get the impression that Allura is far crueler than he ever realized. He wouldn’t be shocked if she held out longer— just to make him writhe. He’s already embarrassed himself enough with the whole ‘good boy’ thing— and really, he’s still considering just jumping out an airlock so that he doesn’t have to think about how pathetic he was about that— and so he knows he’s going to be a useless wreck if she keeps changing things up on him.

Which means he either has to accept her punishment, which might kill him. Or, he has to find a way to fight back.

Shiro’s never been one to take a challenge lying down. Okay, maybe a bad choice of words. But he knows he isn’t going to last a week if this is Allura’s attack plan on _Day 1_. Her goal is to keep him on his toes and flustered so that all he can think about is her? There are worse ways to die, but he’d like to give her a taste of her own medicine.

First things first: he needs to do research. Allura asked him to give his response to her list. And to be thorough. He can work with that.

Shiro had hidden the tablet Allura had given him under his pillow— useless, really, but he’s not sure why he thinks someone would be snooping in the first place— and he retrieves it carefully like it might bite him.

Shiro is pretty sure he saw something about biting during his initial skim at the meeting today. He feels his cheeks start to flush. This is not good. He has to keep a level head about this. Stay detached from the idea. This is just research. He has a paper to write and this is purely research with absolutely no relation to him, even if the topic is all about fucking him.

He sits down at his desk with another tablet— this one set up so he can type on it— and starts to read.

It’s evident very quickly that Allura has a vivid imagination. And that she’s probably been composing this list for quite some time. That sends shivers down his spine, thinking about all the times they’ve been talking with one another, and he’d been completely unaware that she was coming up with multiple ways that she wanted to take him apart. It is also very quickly evident that Allura doesn’t know much about human physiology and is making some wild guesses about what Shiro might or might not like.

The barbed proboscis is given a very quick no. Those things look _deadly_. The sickle-claws are also out, as is the mouth that was described ‘renders flesh from bone and grinds rocks into sand in minutes’. Those things have no place being anywhere near, or god forbid, _in_ his body.

For every _No_ , there were at least three _Maybe_ and probably two outright _YES_. The whole shapeshifting ability was hard to get his mind around— Shiro would have been satisfied and beyond happy with Allura how she was— at least, as what he thought of as a feminine human-like alien. But it did make him start to wonder about Altean physiology. Were Alteans and humans even compatible? He’s never even seen Allura or Coran’s arms or legs. They keep themselves so bundled up that Shiro has almost started thinking they had some Victorian sense of decency, and anything above an ankle would be considered scandalous.

He’s back to that gigantic, ribbed penis. Shiro closes his eyes and counts to ten to prepare himself to look at it again, and to try and convince himself that he needs to stay analytical and not just write _HELL YES_ in his response.

All-in-all he ends up with more _no_ ’s than expected, an astonishingly huge amount of _maybe’s_ and a much smaller amount of outright _yes_ ’s. And lots and lots of notes to clarify how they might all work.

Shiro stretches his arms above his head and flexes his hands. He’s never been the fastest typer, but he knows how to write a damn good paper. And better yet, he is an expert at converting normal human speech into the most boring and awful scientific jargon possible. Consider it payback for blindsiding him during the meeting.

Allura wanted a thorough report on his thoughts? She’d get it.

* * *

The next day is Phase 1 of Shiro’s ‘try to assert at least some control of the situation and maybe convince Allura to _not_ wait a week to fuck me’ plan. Easily shortened to Phase 1 of ‘get fucked or die trying’.

He catches up with Allura over breakfast. Keith, Lance and Hunk are all up. Shiro makes a mental apology that they keep being used as cannon fodder to these things. He’s running a little late because it took him much longer than he’d expected to try and find a way to print his report. In the end he settled for keeping it digital, and just hoped that it hadn’t printed somewhere in the castle where someone might stumble across it.

Allura barely looks up, probably assuming Shiro’s walking past her for the poor excuse they have for coffee like he usually does. There’s a smile on her face that she’s trying to hide, and Shiro wonders if she thinks he’s late because he was up all night over her list. She’s not wrong, but she doesn’t know payback like Shiro can give it.

“The report you asked for, Princess,” he says, and holds out his own tablet.

Allura’s interested face means she knows exactly what he’s referring to. She also quickly notices that he’s still keeping the other tablet, the one with The List.

“Thank you,” she says, with all the fake innocence in the world. She’s probably fooling everyone else.

Shiro wishes he could be around when she starts reading. The look on her face will be hilarious.

* * *

He gets busy when Pidge and Keith start snapping at each other in training. Pidge stayed up late and has been in a sour mood all morning, which Keith picked up on and was trying to get them performing at full capacity through some encouragement. Which, from Keith, means that he shouts a lot and throws in some insults. He means well, even if all he knows is tough love. Pidge isn’t responding positively to any of it.

Shiro has to stop training before it devolves into an actual fight. For the most part the kids are great. Not just great, they’re amazing. They’re some of the most hardworking, good people he’s ever met. Shiro loves working with them and their bright minds. But the other part of the time he’s reminded just how _young_ they are, and how much he hates that he’s being forced to be the adult.

Shiro sends them all to do some laps and suicides before hitting the showers. Lance and Hunk rightfully complain about being punished unfairly, but they are a team. If one of them fails, they all failed, and the sooner they learn to work together cohesively, the better. He still feels bad after telling them so, so he joins them. They are his team too.

Allura catches up with him as he’s leaving the training room. He’d stripped out of the top of his armor for the short walk to the showers, too hot to function, and is carrying it at his side.

She looks pissed. But not raging mad. She’s cold, disapproving mad. Which is worse.

“...Princess?” Shiro asks. He starts running through a list of all the things he’s done that would make her upset.

Pidge and Hunk, the last to finish their drills, are just leaving. They take one look at Allura’s face and duck and run before she can call them back.

“What do you call this?” Allura demands, and shoves the tablet in Shiro’s chest.

All of the possible things she could be mad at him for slip from Shiro’s mind. Oh, this is the problem. This was supposed to be a problem.

He smiles, and tries to go for cocky, “The report. I was thorough like you asked.”

Allura’s scowl deepens, and Shiro can’t believe this is actually working.

He leans in a little, “Isn’t that exactly what you asked for?”

Allura still has the tablet pressed against his chest. She’s putting pieces of a puzzle together in her head, and Shiro can’t wait to see her get exasperated with him. He’s good at being a little shit. It’s been years, but just like riding a bike it’s very easy to remember what to do.

Allura pushes, and Shiro finds himself being pressed back against the wall by her strength. His heart starts beating fast. Wait. No. This isn’t how this was supposed to go. She’s so strong. Imagine what she could do— no. Stop. Don’t imagine.

“Is this payback for surprising you yesterday?” she asks slowly.

Now that he thinks about it, sending a completely dry, long-winded and astonishingly un-sexy response to a multi-page list about sex positions wasn’t really a smart move. It’s very nearly a mood-killer.

So he stays quiet rather than respond.

Allura laughs when he doesn’t respond, “I don’t understand,” she finally admits, and then sobers up quickly, “you _are_ interested, yes?”

Shiro has to lick his lips before he can answer. Moreso to keep himself from just groaning out a stupid answer, “Yeah, yeah I’m interested. Very.”

“Good,” Allura nods, and drops her arm. Shiro still feels pinned to the wall, but he makes himself step forwards. The whole goal of this is to push Allura just as much as she’s pushing him.

Shiro’s quickly realizing he’s never going to be suave and cool in front of her. Maybe it’s time to try and be cute instead. Cute is better than hot mess.

“Yeah, it seems a little silly now that I think about it,” he smiles at her, and rubs at the back of his neck bashfully, “but the report is full of useful info I think you’ll like.” As if they aren’t talking about Shiro’s responses of ‘please fuck me like this and maybe like this, and also here’s how I like to be fucked’. This is the weirdest foreplay he’s ever gone through, and there was that time in Thailand when he was so drunk he got in a fight with and then ended up blowing the guy not ten minutes later.

“It’s so boring,” Allura admits, “why did you make it boring.”

“Payback,” Shiro reminds her, and god does it seem like a really dumb idea now, so he keeps talking. He’s a little too serious when he says, “I don’t like being caught off guard like that.” He really doesn’t. It was the other thing that kept him up at night— that he’d looked like such a bumbling fool in front of his team. They needed to respect him, which meant he had to be worthy of that respect.

“But it was so much fun,” Allura sighs.

Shiro trails his fingers on the side of his neck as he drops his hand and Allura follows the movement very closely. Okay. Weird. He’s not sure what to do with this information, but he’s going to store it away.

“I will, um, try to not set you up for failure— not that you failed— in the future,” Allura says, and she’s stepping away.

“Princess,” Shiro calls, to stop her. He glances around them to make sure that no one is nearby, and then says in a low voice, “a week is really too long to wait. You have my response, isn’t that enough?”

Allura gives him a slow once-over, and Shiro remembers that he’s stripped down to an undershirt and the legs of his armor. He feels the need to cover himself, though he doesn’t mind the excited glow he feels at her approving smile.

“But what about revisions? I think a week is just fine,” she says, “I’ll see you around, Shiro.”

* * *

Since Phase 1 turned out to be a total disaster, Shiro moves on to Phase 2.

To be fair, there are some positives from Phase 1. Allura knows he is a complete and utter disaster that makes questionable life choices, has horrendous flirting skills— though he’s working on them— and she’s still interested. That has to be a bonus. That, and, the thing about his neck. She likes his neck. So does Rahjim. Aliens might collectively have a neck fetish, or Shiro just attracts that type.

The majority of Allura’s suggestions on her list had involved penetration. While Shiro isn’t opposed (to most of them, though he is on the fence for many still), it makes him wonder what the Altean gender and sexuality scene is like. In all honesty, Allura’s tastes seemed to be more on the masculine spectrum, if she were human.

The neck thing, combined with how she’d liked cornering him in his chair, and pushing him against the wall, makes Shiro wonder if there is some sort of dominance involved with Altean sex. He… he isn’t as against the idea as he thought he might be, though parts of it do make him feel uneasy. He’d like to know what he’s getting into.

There is only one way to know for sure. More research.

* * *

Shiro debates for quite some time. The contact has been in his personal data for a long time, but he’s never had reason to call. But Shiro’s severely outgunned in this… game that Allura’s playing with him, and he needs ammunition. There’s only one person he trusts enough to explain the situation, and hopefully get some support from.

As long as Shiro isn’t about to stick his foot in his mouth. He thinks this is okay, but it still feels really weird to him to be calling up his one-night-stand to ask for help in getting laid.

It takes only a few clicks, and then Shiro waits.

Rahjim answers on the fourth ring.

The small screen at Shiro’s desk lights up with his familiar face. It sunny where he is, and there’s greenery behind him. He must be outside.

Rahjim’s whole face lights up, “Shiro! What a lovely surprise.”

Shiro can’t help but smile at Rahjim’s sincerity, “Hey,” he says. It’s really nice to see Rahjim’s face. Shiro almost feels like he’s seeing an old friend. And they are friends— especially Rahjim’s definition of a friend.

Rahjim has his hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. He’s sweaty like he’s been running or doing something active. He looks good slightly disheveled, Shiro notes, and only briefly thinks back to how disheveled Rahjim had been after their night together.

“To what do I owe the honor?” Rahjim asks.

He’s glancing back over Shiro’s shoulders, and Shiro realizes he’s looking to see if Shiro is alone or not.

“This is a personal call,” Shiro informs him, “just me.”

Rahjim’s grin is infectious, “Thank goodness. I’ve missed my concubine.”

“Hey,” Shiro scolds, “I’m not your concubine.”

“Yet,” Rahjim adds, and winks.

“Yet,” Shiro agrees.

“How are you?” Rahjim asks.

“I’m good,” Shiro says, and he means it. Even though Rahjim probably can’t sense his emotions over the link, it feels weird to lie to him, “and you?”

“Happy,” Rahjim says, “and happier still to see you.”

Shiro’s relieved to hear that. He’d been worried about Rahjim getting in trouble with the Galra after forming an alliance with Voltron.

“So...” Shiro switches topics, “I don’t want to waste your time, but I have a few questions.”

“You could never waste my time,” Rahjim assures him.

Shiro decides to cut right to the chase, “When did you talk to Allura?”

Rahjim looks surprised, and then a little guilty. Ha! Shiro knew it.

“She’s sprung her trap, has she? What gave away my influence?” Rahjim laughs.

Shiro blushes, “She, uh, she said something that you liked to say.”

Rahjim laughs at Shiro’s expression, and the screen lurches as he sits down on what looks like a very soft couch of some sort.

“I promise I did not gossip about you,” Rahjim says, “if that’s what you are worried about. Allura was, well, she was upset that you were not responding to her advances, and wanted to know how I kept your interest.”

“Her ad— she was hitting on me?” Shiro asks. There’s no way he’s this oblivious. Before Rahjim, sure, maybe. But then Allura had told him about how aliens were apparently hitting on him a lot. Shiro thought he was good at noticing now! And yet, he’d somehow missed the one right in front of him.

“I told her what she told me,” Rahjim explains, “that being direct works best, and that you respond well to praise.”

Shiro wants to argue but it’s true. Rahjim had figured that out about him pretty quickly.

“I hope I wasn’t overstepping our confidentiality agreement,” Rahjim asks, “I didn’t disclose any details of our time together, I promise,” which does make sense, Shiro notes, because Allura doesn’t know _how_ Shiro can have sex, “but I assumed I could speak about it because Allura was already aware, and also because she promised to treat you properly.”

Shiro can’t believe his CO called his one night stand— that she set him up with— to get advice on how to sleep with him. To think, his life was just starting to hit a state of relative normality.

Shiro nods, “It’s okay, I’m not mad.”

“How was it?” Rahjim asks, “Did she take care of you?”

Shiro shivers at the tone of his voice. He remembers Rahjim talking to him in that voice all too well, “It… it hasn’t happened yet,” Shiro says. He quickly details the events leading up until this moment, and finishes with “and now I have to wait a week.”

Rahjim is staring at him with an open mouth. Shiro’s thankful that someone else finally sees that Allura is out to torture him and it’s unfair and cruel.

Then, Rahjim throws back his head and laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

“Oh, Shiro. Poor, poor Shiro,” he says, wiping his eyes, “I wish I could be there to watch.”

Shiro briefly remembers Rahjim and him discussing an orgy. He… wouldn’t be against Rahjim being there.

“But how can she keep her hands off of you for a week?” Rahjim asks.

“You managed,” Shiro points out, “for a few days at least.”

“I nearly died,” Rahjim deadpans, “and then you’ll note that I didn’t let you go for hours.”

“I liked it,” Shiro admits.

Rahjim smiles, “And I know you’re going to like this.”

Shiro frowns, “No, I don’t. That’s why I need your help— to convince her to change her mind.”

Rahjim shakes his head, “Shiro she’s taken control from you. She’s calling the shots. I know for a fact that’s what you like.”

Shiro still has occasional dreams where he hears Rahjim telling him that Shiro’s body is his to use.

Shiro can feel his face heating up, “Did you tell her that too?”

Rahjim tries to look innocent, “It may have slipped out.”

“Oh my god,” Shiro covers his face in his hands, and he can hear Rahjim laughing, “you conspired against me.”

“Allura is very compelling,” Rahjim says, “and she cares about you a great deal. I would like to be her friend someday.”

“I’m sure you do,” Shiro says. He drags his hands down his face and sits up straight.

“You should both come visit,” Rahjim offers, “or just you. I promise I won’t make you wait. I don’t have the willpower to resist you.”

“Oh my god,” Shiro laughs, breaking eye contact with the screen as his stomach flip-flops. He’d forgotten how much he reacted to Rahjim’s unfiltered praise.

Rahjim is smiling warmly at him when Shiro’s collected himself to keep talking.

“You’ll have to come visit again soon. A longer stay,” Rahjim says. It’s on the verge of an order.

“I’ll try,” Shiro says. It’s a bit of a lie. He has to go where the Universe needs him, and unfortunately that doesn’t often coincide with stopping in for a quick booty call. No matter how much he would like that to happen.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Rahjim asks.

“Actually,” Shiro sits up, “I’m not going to last a week. I need to learn how to flirt. In the ali— in the _normal_ way. So I can seduce Allura.”

Rahjim’s smile is warm and affectionate, and for a moment Shiro regrets the fact that he can’t just reach out and kiss him.

“I will be happy to help,” Rahjim says.

* * *

The call with Rahjim lasts longer than expected. He and Shiro, surprise, get distracted and start off on entirely different topics than what they’d started on. It’s nice to talk with him, and a relief to find that their relationship feels just as easy and light as it had the night they were together. Rahjim has given him all the advice he could muster, but even he doesn’t know a lot about long-absent aliens like the Alteans.

So now, there’s work to be done.

Shiro has at least some basic decision-making skills for his own life, and knows that he can’t in a million years ask Coran about how Alteans have sex. That would be a dead giveaway and depending on how similar Altean and human views about sex are, regarding how protective paternal figures are of their daughters, Shiro is more likely to have Coran launch him out of an airlock than anything.

So he does the next best thing.

* * *

“Alien courtship?” Coran muses, “a strange topic.”

“With all the diplomatic missions we’ve been on, I just want to be aware of any taboos or accidental innuendos we might be coming across. Plus, this way, if Lance gets himself into trouble I'll be able to help him out,” Shiro explains.

It sounds too well-rehearsed, which it is.

He tries to soften it with a laugh, like this is bordering on locker-room talk, “Plus I'm here, might as well learn what I can.”

“Aren't you celibate?” Coran replies, sounding shocked.

Shiro stops, unable to process the comment. That was not the response he expected.

“Um, no?” He replies. Allura had implied, after Shiro’s hook-up with Rahjim, that she and Coran regularly gossiped about the humans. And that Coran had been involved in getting Shiro laid. Actually, Shiro and Coran had never talked about that. Why would Coran assume he was celibate?

Coran twirls his moustache with one finger and makes some sort of appraising face. Shiro's not sure what to think of it.

“Unexpected,” is all Coran says.

While Shiro can't tell Coran what this is really about, he needs access to the Castle’s Library. Thankfully everything is digital, but the storage system absolutely baffles Shiro and he still can't read any Altean. He could have asked for Pidge, but that would mean explaining that he wants to read up on alien dating tips and courtship rituals. He's not gonna do that.

“Ah, here we are,” Coran says after a few minutes of scanning some shelves, “now, what kind of information are you interested in?”

“Um, I guess courtship stuff. It'll be good to know what comes across as friendly or flirty, and what's not. Compared to humans,” Shiro pauses a moment, to make this feel more natural, “are humans and Alteans similar?” As he talks, he pretends he itched at his jaw, and then trails his fingers back across his throat, making sure to go right to his collarbone like Rahjim had taught him. Shiro keeps his chin up, to expose the line of his throat. It feels very exposing, and he’s curious as to why this apparently works.

Coran is staring at Shiro’s hand, resting just under his collarbone, like he’s at a loss for words. Shiro struggles not to grin.

“Are we similar?” Shiro prompts.

Coran snaps back to attention, stammering as he comes to his senses, “Humans and Alteans? You know I'm not rightly sure.”

“It'd be interesting to compare, especially since we're physically... very similar,” Shiro says, pausing for dramatic effect and then lowering his voice a tad.

Coran is shooting him weird looks, and okay maybe Shiro has to dial it back. But he needs to test his new skills on someone. Poor Coran is the only other alien on board.

Coran doesn’t call him out, thankfully, and laughs, “Similar, ha! I think I've got some— oh, yes, this will do! Now, I warn you these books can get a little _kowabunga_! but they're much more interesting to read than those boring not-a-bunga ones.”

Because it's becoming increasingly clear that Shiro is a disaster unto himself, he says “ _Kowabunga_ sounds good to me.” And then “Uh- thank you,” and takes the offered datacores.

Coran shows Shiro how to download the books onto his tablet— and Allura still has his, so Shiro’s using the one with The List and he desperately hopes Coran doesn't accidentally open it or anything.

Shiro's memorized the route to the section Coran took him to, so he’ll be able to find more books if he needs them without asking for help.

With a polite thanks for his time, Shiro leaves the library and returns to his room. He's got some reading to do.

* * *

Shiro wasn't exaggerating when he realized this is the weirdest foreplay he's ever gone through. The closest this comes to is when he was teaching part-time at the Garrison and he kept making up excuses about not knowing how to mark assignments to visit the other single teachers. It hadn't amounted to anything in the end, sadly, save for some unspoken promises made with the help of a lot of booze at the Christmas staff party. He'd been so focused on his preparation for the Kerberos Mission that he hadn't pursued anything with solid interest.

This is very different. He has to remind himself it's because Allura's not just from a different culture; she's a whole other _species_.

The reading is hard to do. And not that Shiro doesn't mind reading, per se, but it's very easy to get lost in details. There is so much information, and so many words that don’t translate well. Shiro’s going to need several more books, dictionaries even, to try and make sense of most of what he’s reading.

He scrubs a hand down his face. This feels like hard work, but it’s for a very, very good cause. Just think about it like it’s a mission, he tells himself. This is everything he needs to know to execute his role perfectly. Allura's the mark.

It’s challenging as well because there’s so little about Alteans. Shiro scrapes together what he can— he’s pretty sure at least two of these books are over-glamorized romance novels. Space harlequin, who knew? And so while he takes note of the tropes they entail, he doesn’t put much faith into any of the seduction techniques presented. Another book is so awfully clinical, it sounds exactly like the report Shiro wrote Allura. Except worse.

He can’t believe he gave Allura something so horrible and thought it would convince her to bone him sooner. When Shiro dies from being blue-balled it’s going to be his own damn fault.

* * *

It’s after dinner when Allura summons Shiro to the bridge. Because the summons were over the public network, Shiro was expecting it to be a business-related meeting.

It’s not.

“Here you are,” Allura says, handing Shiro’s tablet back to him, “I’ve made some revisions and I’ll need your opinions.”

“How long is this really going to go on,” Shiro asks, “can’t we just talk about this? Like normal people?”

“I’m very busy,” Allura insists, “but if you’d like I can make you comfortable in my private chambers and maybe some time will free up?”

Shiro immediately recalls that Allura started right out the gates talking about orgasm denial. He has a sinking suspicion that her making him comfortable is actually going to make everything worse.

He’s not adverse to the idea, though.

That’s kind of a surprise.

Before he can talk, Allura continues, “Now, Shiro. You told me you are interested, and I just want to confirm that we are clear on this: you and I are intending to have sex with each other, correct?”

Shiro’s literally holding a tablet with an essay that he wrote about how he wants her to fuck him, based on the list she made of what she wants to try.

“Yeah,” he says, and then adds, “sooner rather than later.”

Allura narrows her eyes, confused, “And it’s true that humans are monogamous, yes?”

Now it’s Shiro’s turn to be confused, “Um, kind of? For the most part, yes?”

“The most part? Not all of you are?”

Shiro shrugs, “Well, there’s open relationships and swingers or threesomes, I guess.”

Allura perks up, “What is that— the three?”

“A-a threesome?” Shiro stammers, “Well, um, it’s about sex. When there’s more than— when there’s three involved.”

Allura breaks into a wide grin and grips Shiro by the shoulders, “Why didn’t you tell me this? We were so confused!”

“We?” Shiro asks.

“To think, all this time humans weren’t so strange after all!” Allura laughs. She twirls away from him, clapping her hands excitedly. Shiro’s not sure what to make of this.

“I’m not following,” Shiro says.

Allura comes to a stop and the bottom of her dress is still moving with the momentum of her spin, “I have a proposal.”

If it means they speed this up then Shiro is all ears.

“Okay,” he says warily.

“If it is something natural to humans, and you are comfortable, I would like to invite a third to join us,” Allura says, “three is the natural Altean way, after all.”

Oh that… that’s weird. Maybe. Alteans work in pairs of three? Shiro hadn’t read anything about that.

Is he against having someone else there? Shiro’s really not sure. It depends entirely on who it is.

“I have one condition,” Shiro says, “if I say yes we don’t wait a week.”

Allura ponders this for some time, and then shakes her head, “No. I don’t want you to feel pressured to say yes. Whether you say yes or not, I’ll move up my agenda. But if I shorten the wait, you don’t get to know when this is going to happen.”

Shiro licks his lips, “Oh. Okay,” he can manage that. He hopes.

“Do you have anyone in mind?” Shiro asks.

Allura rolls her eyes, “As if you don’t know.”

Shiro shakes his head, “I… I don’t.” Outside of Rahjim, he can’t think of anyone that Allura would invite to sleep with them.

Allura frowns, as if disappointed with Shiro’s lack of telepathy, “Well, Coran of course.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, as this series continues to be The Most Unconventional, we're going to engage in some more unconventional practices!
> 
> This, at least right now, is a 'choose your own porn' story!
> 
> So, my lovely readers, we're going to have a vote. Should Shiro say 'Yes' to Coran joining? Or 'No'? I promise no weird obsessiveness over the potentially quasi-incestuous relationship, and have easily accounted for it in my Altean Culture headcanons (y'all know I love me weird alien cultures!), so I promise it won't be gross. Also, rest assured, this series is purely about #wrecking Shiro anyways. Two Alteans might be better than one! 
> 
> I'll leave the polls open for at least a week before I start writing chapter 2, so get those votes in! (As in, I'll only count the people who vote in the next week.) We'll play by majority rules.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Glad to see you here again! <3
> 
> #wreckShiro2k17


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